Networking: A “have to” or a “want to”.
As a career coach, I talk to a lot of people about networking and I’ve seen a theme lately. There’s quite a few people with some qualms about networking. When I probe deeper, the common thread I find is linked to fear of rejection or being ignored. When I say “networking”, many people automatically think I mean pressing the “CONNECT” button on LinkedIn with a stranger. No wonder, in today’s social media obsessed world, networking in some people’s mind is not that dissimilar to “friending” and “following” on traditional social media platforms, and we all know the effect social media has had on people’s sense of belonging and acceptance. Sometimes, people find their group through social media, but other times, they find crickets. So, let’s unpack this suitcase a little more to throw away some of these fears of networking. Indulge me over your coffee for a different take.
In last week’s article we talked about the difference between seeing your “network” as a list of “people you know” and instead thinking about it as people you have genuinely connected with throughout your life and career. Connections can happen for a moment over coffee or made strong over years on a work project. Either way, in my experience, I have found two very important aspects at the heart of genuinely connecting with someone through networking and I will tell you what they are, but first let me preface.
Preface.
I coached a lot of college students and generally when someone you know asks you to connect with a college student, a lot of people say yes. Why? Many people think back to being young and have an innate compassion for someone starting out and trying to find their way. However, college students reaching out to strangers on LinkedIn => very easily ignored. Why? Stranger. People are very busy, and less compelled to carve out time for this stranger college student, unless someone specifically asked them to do it or there is some greater bond, like college alumni.
Another interesting factor that I found is that most college students have the same instinct in their approach, which is to ask their new networking connection for “advice”. This happens not only among college students. Why do I bring this up? Well, if the LinkedIn potential connection wasn’t already on the fence about connecting with this LinkedIn stranger, the thought of having to come up with some good piece of advice for this stranger, may be just enough pressure to say, forget it. Now we have “fear of networking”, or shall I just say, hesitancy on both sides.
Now that we’ve unpacked that a little, we can see some of the blockers in asking and agreeing to a networking call. The perception by the potential connection may be that the networker “wants something”. Possibly, something that the connection may feel they can’t deliver. I can’t get this person a job. I don’t know what advice to give this person.
Those two important factors.
So, what are those two important factors that can turn hesitancy on the part of the potential connection into a wonderfully gratifying experience for them? Ever come across the concept of WIIFM? What’s in it for me? Well, here’s two reasons why someone might actually take a networking call and get something out of it themselves.
1. A chance to tell their story
2. The opportunity to help someone and feel appreciated
First, as adults, how often do we really get to sit down with someone who is genuinely interested in learning about who we are, how we came to be doing the work we do and what we enjoy about the work that we spend oh-so-many-hours doing? (Hopefully there are some positive aspects of your work or you wouldn’t keep showing up. If not, it’s time to make a change).
Second, how often do we get to talk about ourselves, share some knowledge and then be gratefully thanked and appreciated? If you haven’t done it in a while, it’s kind of nice.
So, when asking if someone may be open to a networking call, shifting away from asking for advice and instead asking if someone has a few minutes to share their story which would really help you in some way, could make the difference in paving the way for a meaningful (not scary), easy connection. After all, in the right setting, with someone who is genuinely interested, it’s generally easy to share a bit of our story and can be fun. When asking someone to connect, you can highlight how this networking connection can help you…it can be anything from helping you understand what’s it’s like to do that job, understand what skills and strengths are needed, or simply helping you to organize your thoughts around career options. All of this is easy to help with, by simply sharing knowledge. Knowing this is the kind of “help” the person wants, relieves the person from worrying that the networker “wants something” the connection can’t deliver. Most people really enjoy being able to help someone.
Two quick networking success stories before we close with today’s thought provoking question to ponder over coffee.
Gotta good feeling.
Two people recently shared with me similar experiences in networking. Both ended up at a regular social event. It wasn’t a networking event or anything like that. Nonetheless, they ended up connecting with someone, in hindsight networking. They got to talking with someone they didn’t know and ended up exchanging stories. Both were inspired by this new person they met and walked away not only feeling excited, but feeling compelled towards an action of some sort that would help them in their latest project or job search.
Lesson Learned? Networking can happen anywhere and it doesn’t have to be formal or scary when it’s really about human connections, sharing stories. We are all unique, no one has walked in our shoes and if you show up with genuine curiosity, you will often find that curiosity reciprocated. How wonderful it can feel for someone to be interested in your life or career story and how interesting in can be to meet someone new!
100 Coffees.
In one of my recent coffee catch-ups, I was endlessly impressed with my friend’s latest endeavor. She is planning her next big career move and she told me that she set a goal for herself for networking. 100 coffee connects.
Yes, that’s right, one hundred! Not only is it her goal, she already achieved it! It took 4 months of dedication, which in the grand scheme of things, I think is actually very short. It’s about one a day, which is a lot to keep up.
The results? She has three potential next moves and two of them are with companies that would not have naturally come to mind had she not connected with someone new. Additionally, when she shared her mission of 100 coffees, she was touched by the outpouring of support of her current network. So many of them loved the idea and had instant ideas about interesting people to connect with. Though I’m sure there were some people who said no or didn’t have time to connect or even ignored her, there were 100 who did connect. Now we all know. There is a story out there of one person who just went for it and did it. 100 coffee connects. Super inspiring.
Powerful Question 010:
How can you change the way you ask for a networking connection incorporating the human connection aspect of sharing stories and helping people out?
Powerful Question 011:
Who can you offer to connect with that could really help someone out?
If you don’t know where to start, you can simply use your LinkedIn and offer 5 networking calls to help out college students interested in the career/job you have. You’d be amazed who might see it and take you up on that offer to give back by sharing your story.
I often work with my career coaching clients on how to draft a request for a networking call. Here’s a suggestion on how to incorporate those “two important factors” to capture someone’s attention with the opportunity to share their story and help out a fellow human…
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